There comes a day in everyone’s life where they open their eyes and can finally see something clear. A moment in time where you stop being the insecure child you were bred to be for two decades (or so) and hit the ground running with your adult shoes on. Whether it be a flush of responsibility, a monumental shift in life-style, or a consequence inspired repentance brought on by everything you ever tore-up in your adolescence. We all fight to survive to adult-hood, and we all should be thankful when we make it out alive.
I find it really odd to explain to anyone where I’m at in life. Those who understand, smile and reminisce. Those who don’t point and laugh like I’m a leper. Forever ignorant to the experience of seeing someone so purely “for you”. I have overcome some things, nothing to grande in my eyes. And it is to which, I fight everyday to become something better. When I write, or think about stories, I come from a different land. It’s as if I can overtake another mind completely, seeing these phrases, and places take center stage from a completely different person’s point-of-view. A monster in need of taming. But running wild is the only way this corruption of language can take place. Naturally, freeing. I am a leaf on the wind. With no impalement.
Maradona and I were sitting on my deck the other day, and she looked at me in that glaring flow of adoration that she always does. It’s stirring, and haunting all at the same time. What crossed my mind, is that she has quickly become the most monumentally altering faction in my life. I feel good. I feel like a good man. Capable. Attractive. With purpose. Not that my life had no purpose before, but there is something about that puff in your chest that is only granted by confidence. And she gives me an abundance of it. “I will never tire of looking at that face” she says to me. With her sweet smile spicing up the expression on her face. It is frightfully angelic. I see the happiness in her eyes, and it melts me. Daily. “I will do what I can everyday to make you feel loved.” … a puddle of a man is all that is left when those words are heard.
So when I skip down the street, our hands held, swaying to the beat of our feet, I contemplate this direction we’re heading. Yes, I want to marry her. No I don’t know when I’ll ask. Yes, I’d love for her to be the mother of my child (or children). No, I don’t want to have kids soon. Where will we go? Who will we meet? When, if ever, will she tire of my insanity? Funnily enough, she’s insane too. Which is how I like it.
We had a moment just last night where I paused the show we were watching, because a rainstorm rolled in. We quickly dashed to the patio and stood. Simply statues. Watching the water, smelling that raw refreshing air. It’s a frozen stance on a time-piece that I’ve never had the ability to share. Nothing like her. Nothing like there. Nothing like now. As a wise man in sync once wrote:
“It’s like you’re my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn’t get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it’s clear as this promise
That we’re making two reflections into one
Cause it’s like you’re my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me”
– Justin Timberlake
So while I find the calm I need at home, the extraordinary hustle of everything else is taking it’s toll. Piece by piece, I fight to keep my eyes open and convince my mind from wishing it all away. I’ve got a lot to do, and very little sanity to do so according to social standards. The mayhem I have become warm towards, forces my entire being to collapse in a heap on the cushion the moment I get home. She runs her fingers up my arm, and I faint away from the day. Until the morning brings me another headache of tasks to accomplish. And in the end, it’s hard to complain about such a life that makes me this happy, than it is to handle the bags of garbage I’ve managed to purchase along the way. But I guess that comes down to company. I could reside in a cardboard box, but if I still come home to her, there will never be any hesitation before opening my door. You see, when you know, you know. And that’s the only way I can explain what this woman does to me. Either you get it, or you don’t. No skin off my back. We’ll lay back comfortably on our adirondack chairs and hurl from laughter, because we were fortunate enough to find one another among billions of people who share our planet.
As mature members of the world, we all try and strive to hold onto some things that make us feel young and giddy. Wether it be toothpaste moustaches, or building a fort in your living room, we all need to feel the rising weight of life lifted from time to time. Make sure you find yours. Considering that for the past 8 years my job has been to play video games and express positive or negative opinions about them, I can’t go there. I like animated batman movies too much as an adult to head down that road. So instead, I have momentary lapses in filters. Where I get flush with giggles and poorly timed jokes. Laughing uncontrollably at nothing. It’s not much. But it’s an escape from terror for a few seconds.
Aaaaannnnnddddd now my brain won’t let me concentrate on a specific idea. So I’ll sign-off before this gets hieroglyphic.