My sidekick always tells me that my most endearing feature is the ability to calculate and articulate the way I feel into actual palpable expression. A sense of self I had never once considered a possible rare-quality. Apparently men aren’t supposed to be able to show much variable in emotional scales. Which I think is a crock of shit. In fact, in reflecting on the subject for a few days, I realized that it’s most people that cannot or refuse to open those doors. Regardless of sex.
I have an abundance of good things spouting from my mouth as of late. I’ve got no complaints. Everything that seemed to bother me a few weeks ago has somehow vanished from relevance. I can no longer be bothered by the mundane or trivial. I am overflowing with smiles and compliments that it washes those spills away long before they stain. And my days, no longer concerned with the little things, are stellar from beginning to end.
I’ve never truly believed in living for tomorrow, but I have since discovered the glory in the unwritten future. I have more than I can bare to look forward to. There are things hours from now, days from now, years from now, and decades ahead that I’ve got on my calendar now. When you’re happy, it’s a lot easier to put all of the things you’ve carried with you, off your plate, and into the cupboard. I wake up every morning and feel full. To the brim with love, and affection, thanks to Maradona. Filled so high with hope, thanks to the happiness bringing light to the things ahead of me.
Baggins is coming up next weekend to see me, and shorten the distance between our conversations. At first I wanted to come up with one or all excuses possible to convince her to stay at home. But when I thought about it, she was, and still is, one of my best friends. Her presence is undoubtably one of the greater auras I’ve ever felt. We get along, we laugh a lot, and we have an abundance of love for each other. How could I even consider saying no to that? The rarity of our connection that I have spoken of in the past does not dissolve because we are platonic. I had to initially swallow the idea of us never coming to terms with just friendship. Considering all possible outcomes made me fear what any sort of resolution would be should we attempt to patch-up our relationship. However, the pros of having another great friend far outweighs any sort of cons.
I read a new blog the other day. Friend of a friend’s new way to expose the inner turmoil, without having to spit all over their closest people. Quite frankly, it was beautiful. Eloquently woven tapestry of thoughts and feelings in a poetic form. I have re-read the post about a hundred times. I love it. Truly, Madly, Deeply. I cannot wait for more from this blog. I can’t take credit for the inspiration of this creation, but I hope that some people who witness me blowing my brains out all over the internet, will find some sort of comfort in doing the same thing.
I am feeling surrounded by city life lately. Suffocating on transit, in public places, even in areas which should bring me comfort (like the beach). I Haven’t been camping, or out of the city glow, in a long while and my brain is getting a bit loopy. I’d like to jump on a bus and head to the Okanagan sometime soon. Clear my head. Maybe the next long weekend that comes around I will be able to snatch up Maradona and hit the highways to the oh so glorious distant solidarity of nowheres-ville. I can see the stars from my home late at night. But only one or two. The sky isn’t lit with the right amount of forever sparkling promises.
Until we speak again,“We’ve done the impossible, and that makes us mighty.” – Firefly